My Heart, Tripled

Edition 10: On love, small gestures, and finding your rhythm again after baby number two.

Welcome back and pull up a seat to Ben’s Table

It’s my wife Tami’s birthday this week - her first as a mum of two - and given she’s six weeks postpartum, I wanted to take a moment to celebrate her, but also to talk about something that’s rarely spoken about openly when it comes to having kids: your relationship.

So much of the pre-baby chat focuses on the negatives, and quite frankly, it’s always pissed me off. Before we had Goldie, people would say things like “get all the sleep you can now” or “you don’t know what you’re in for.” Even now that she’s turned two, when we talk about the amazing things she does, the response is often, “just you wait.”

I’ve never seen the point of that. Tami and I promised each other early on that whenever we spoke to people about having kids, we’d lead with the positives - how it’s the most rewarding, perspective-shifting thing we’ve ever done. Yes, it has challenges, but we’d still choose it every single time.

But what no one really tells you is how it changes your relationship. So much focus is poured into adapting to life with a newborn that the two of you - the ones who made this whole thing possible - can get a bit lost in the process. And yet, through all of that, I’ve found myself more in awe of her than ever before.

Watching Tami navigate postpartum life…the sleepless nights, the feeds, the emotional and physical recovery and still find ways to love, to laugh, and to show up for all of us, has honestly left me speechless. Her strength isn’t loud or performative; it’s quiet and constant - so much so that I’ve had to be reminded at times that she has in fact just had a baby. She just keeps going. She loves deeply, gives selflessly, and still somehow finds the space to be there for me and be my biggest cheerleader. I don’t take that lightly (even if she does sometimes forget to read the newsletter).

But I’ve realised that love in this season looks a little different and that’s ok too. It’s in the unspoken teamwork - the quiet, practical acts that keep everything moving.

One of us making a coffee before the other asks. Taking over bath time so she can have ten minutes to herself. Letting one of us nap while the other holds down the fort. Cooking dinners, folding the washing, tidying the house - they’re not the romantic gestures of old but these small things have become our way of saying I see you and I love you.

She and I always talk about how, when you have a child, your heart finds this miraculous way to double in size to make room for them. But for me, it’s tripled - because she still has my whole heart, too.

The song I walked down the aisle to at our wedding was Halev Sheli - “my heart” in Hebrew - and I have it tattooed on me for her. It’s always been the song that makes me think of her, but lately, it’s taken on a new meaning. Because when I look at her, holding Ziggy, playing with Goldie, being everything all at once, I see the words of that song come to life. She is my heart.

This newsletter is part of her birthday present - because if there’s one thing she’s always told me, it’s that my words are her favourite thing I give her. So here they are, for her. And for anyone else who might need the reminder that sometimes love looks a little different, even in the quiet moments, even when you’re tired, even when it’s hard.

Behind the Scenes: Chocolate Fudge Cake

This year, Tami celebrated with the famous Costco chocolate fudge cake - the one she craved throughout pregnancy but couldn’t have because of gestational diabetes. Watching her finally tuck into a slice (or two) felt like a small victory - a moment of joy after months of discipline and patience.

If you want to recreate that indulgence at home, here’s a simple version that’s rich, comforting, and perfect for celebrating someone you love (or just yourself, on a tired Sunday evening).

Ingredients:

• 200g plain flour

• 200g caster sugar

• 75g cocoa powder

• 1½ tsp baking powder

• 1½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

• 2 eggs

• 240ml milk

• 120ml vegetable oil

• 240ml boiling water

• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Method:

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C and grease two round tins.

2. Whisk together the dry ingredients in one bowl.

3. In another, whisk the eggs, milk, oil, and vanilla.

4. Combine both, then slowly pour in the boiling water (the batter will be thin - that’s what makes it moist).

5. Bake for 30–35 minutes until a skewer comes out clean.

6. Cool completely before icing with your favourite chocolate frosting.

Serve generously, without guilt, and preferably straight from the fridge the next morning.

Faith Reflection: Hakarat Hatov - Recognising the Good

In Judaism, hakarat hatov means “recognising the good.” It’s the practice of actively noticing blessings - especially the ones that might otherwise slip by unnoticed.

This week, that good is Tami.

I’m thankful for her patience, for her strength, for the way she’s managed to love all of us while recovering, adapting, and rebuilding her own rhythm. I’m thankful for the laughter that still finds its way into our house, even through the exhaustion.

It’s easy to see light in big moments - birthdays, milestones, celebrations. But hakarat hatov reminds us that the real light is often found in the everyday - in the person beside you who keeps showing up, quietly and consistently, even when no one’s watching.

Closing Thought

Maybe that’s what love - and gratitude - really come down to: not the grand moments, but the gentle ones. The look across the room, the slice of cake shared at the end of a long day in front of the TV, the hand you reach for in the dark. Those are the small lights that keep everything else aglow.

Ben